Something,Anything,,,Everything!
by Luna Knyte
Summary: Shawn is ignored by his mother & Sam by his brother.Both are insulted & seen as disappointments by their fathers.When they run away they are depressed to realize that they dont have anywhere to run to,or anything to run from,but at least they arent alone
1. Chapter 1

**Something, Anything...Everything.**

**Shows:** Supernatural & Psych

**Characters:** Sam & Shawn

**Rating**: T for swearing and bit of violence

**Genre:** Family/Friendship

**Summary:** Shawn is ignored by his mother and Sam by his brother. Both are insulted and seen as disappointments by their fathers. When they run away they are depressed to realize that they don't have anywhere to run to, or anything to run from...but at least they aren't alone. They have one another. Another who understands completely. And what could possibly go wrong with a real psychic and a future fake psychic?

* * *

"Sorry about this man," fourteen year old Sam Winchester said.

"Don't worry about it. So long as we hang out dude. It's like impossible to get any time outta ya," fourteen year old Shawn Spencer replied.

"Yeah but I doubt hanging out in the library is your idea of friends hanging out," Sam said.

"Eh, I've heard it both ways," Shawn said.

"You don't have to suffer with me. You can hang out with your other friends," Sam offered, though he secretly hoped Shawn wouldn't leave. He liked the other boy's company. It made him feel semi normal not hanging out with hunters all the time, but he wouldn't be a burden for Shawn like he was most of the time for his family.

"Well...as of right now...you're my only friend," Shawn said quietly while shifting in his seat.

Sam looked up surprise all written on his face, "Huh?"

Shawn looked away and ran a hand through his shaggy hair, "The kids in class aren't really my friends. They're just like acquaintances that laugh at my jokes and pranks and stuff. Not really 'friends'."

"What about Gus?" Sam asked.

"The same reason the other kids aren't allowed to be my friends. Gus' parents just finally made it official. I'm a bad influence dude. No one wants their kid around me. Only reason you're still my friend is because you're new. Trust me, if your old man knew about me..." Shawn trailed off.

"I've heard about what you've done. My dad would probably wish you were his son. You're like creepy brilliant," Sam said.

"Yeah well that's good to hear...I think. So yeah I'm stuck here, unless you just want me gone?" Shawn asked.

"NO!" Sam said a b it too loud. He got the old librarian to "Shh" at them.

"Sorry..." Both boys whispered.

"I just know that this is boring and I didn't want you getting bored is all," Sam said.

"Well you've been doing this for a long time so it might be boring to you. But looking up supernatural things for your old man? I wish my dad made me read stuff like this," Shawn said as he grabbed one of the books Sam had been reading.

"Yeah but it gets boring eventually," Sam said.

"Not for your dad. Gotta give him props though. Being a mythological investigator? He's kind of like the ghost hunters from SciFi," Shawn said.

"Yeah...Ghost hunters...You sure you don't mind?" Sam asked.

"For the hundredth time dude, its fine. This way not only do you not get in trouble but its easier for my dad to keep tabs on me, _and_ I'm _actually_ at the library."

Sam smiled and shoved a few books Shawn's way, "Then here. My dad needs to, uh, write a paper...for his friend about ghost and needs to learn about metals and their properties. Take some notes on the metals and what their good for."

"Right O, boss man," Shawn replied and took out one of his notebooks and started to investigate. He liked Sam a lot. He was different from the other kids. He wasn't normal or fit in. For some reason Sam didn't like that. Shawn would give anything to be like Sam. From his clothes to the things he does, and Sam was really smart, just shy. And when Shawn walked to where Sam was staying he saw his father teach his older brother how to use a crossbow! A freaking for real crossbow! His dad only taught him to use a gun because a good cop has a good shot, but otherwise, Shawn wasn't allowed to have anything that can potentially be a weapon in his hands.

Once they had a good amount of information Sam said that they should go get a bite to eat and then head home. They stopped at a burger place and sat down.

"So...any possible chance your old man will let you hang this week end? Men in Black comes out and I hear it's gonna be awesome!" Shawn said.

"I'll have to ask but maybe. Seeing as how much info we got today it might make him happy enough to let me go," Sam replied.

"I hope so. I really need some time with someone who isn't old or in a uniform. I have a feeling I'll be spending some time in the police station when I get older so I'm not fond of spending time there now," Shawn said dryly.

Sam laughed, "I guess that's a fair point. I'll let my brother know and have him help me in getting my dad to agree."

"If it helps, tell your brother I think he's awesome," Shawn said.

"Well he does love himself so it might help...though I'm not sure what boosting his ego will do in a long run," Sam said.

They finished eating and Shawn walked with Sam until they reached the current Winchester home because it was first. Shawn waved at Sam as he entered the old house. From where he was he could see inside and saw Sam give his father their notes. It was faint but Shawn saw a grin, even if minuscule, on Mr. Winchester's face. Sam then whispered something to his older brother, who smiled a goofy idiot smile and winked at his little brother, who seemed to relax. It looked they he might have plans after all.

Walking up his street Shawn saw that Gus was outside of his house. He wasn't alone though. He was playing chess with another kid. Shawn recognized him from the church he used to go to. They were laughing and talking happily. As he passed the house Gus looked at him and Shawn raised his hand to wave and was about to say hi when Gus' mom came out and blocked him from view and she held a tray of cookies and ushered the boys inside. Shawn frowned. So much for their friendship...

Walking to his own house Shawn thought that he'd get the usual mouthful from his father about some sort of responsibility he shirked, some lesson he needed to learn, or something else his father needed to tell him that would belittle him and make him feel stupid or insignificant like his dad always did.

But no one was home.

Walking into the kitchen he saw a note on the table. Picking it up Shawn read it and sighed heavily.

"_Got called out for a stakeout. Be home late. Make sure you do your homework or so help me god I'll punish you."_

Putting down the note Shawn ventured to the rest of the house. There were so many things he could do. So many mischievous tricks he could play and whatnot. But despite popular belief he didn't feel like it. He walked to his room and laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

He just laid there and after a minute shut his eyes shut and grabbed two fistfuls of hair. A long time ago he wished for the silence. He wished that for once his house would be quiet and that no one would be loud.

Before, if there was silence, that meant that no one was fighting, no one was yelling, no one was angry, and no one was crying.

Now the silence meant that the house was empty. No one was fighting because they had abandoned the house...they had abandoned him. The silence that at one point had brought him comfort now tortures his ears with the loud deafening silence...

**RING RING RING!**

Startled by the sudden interruption of said torturing silence Shawn sprang out of bed and ran to answer the phone.

First he just stared at it. There was a chance it was just some operator or sales person trying to sell him the latest gadget that was completely useless. Or...it could be some police officer calling him that his dad had died in the line of battle as a hero and he was sorry without actually meaning it. When he was little he remembered going to the hospital one time because his father had been shot. His mother had been too shocked and confused him making him think his father had died. It was all because of one phone call.

His mother was gone now. She loved him and he loved her, but she was very absent of mind especially when it came to him. He knew his father never told him and never will but he could read people and knew that his mother wasn't really a 'motherly' woman. She hadn't really wanted a child. If his father was gone too...what would happen to him?

When he finally stopped his thoughts and was about to pick up the phone he realized it had stopped. But then it started again and Shawn debated again. It could be his dad's partner trying to get a hold of him...

With a deep breath Shawn answered with a weak hello.

"Shawn! I thought you weren't home yet," it was Sam.

"So, your dad said yes then?" Shawn asked already knowing the answer.

"How'd you know?" Sam asked in the questioning voice of his.

"Well its only been like twenty minutes since I left you, you don't always get to go out, and your voice was a bit eager to tell me something," Shawn answered.

"You're good, dude," Sam said.

"Wow...feels good to hear that every once in a while," Shawn meant it to sound like a joke but even to his ears it was the truth.

"So...we're on this weekend?" Sam asked trying to change the subject.

"Most likely...my old man isn't home. I'll asked later, but I'll end up going either way. I can't miss one of the few times Samuel Winchester is actually allowed to be off his leash now can I?" Shawn teased.

"Oh ha ha, you're worse than my brother," Sam muttered.

"I'm being compared to Dean Winchester? That means I am so awesome. Hey, maybe I should start gelling my hair...and get a hair cut. Right now my hair is more in the Sammy phase..."Shawn ranted.

"Whatever dude. But we can go to the movie theater down the pier. It's the closest," Sam said.

"Sure thing Sammy Whammy," Shawn said knowing it annoyed Sam when he called him that.

"_SAM_!"

"Oh, gotta go. I gotta stay on my dad's good side if I wanna go," Sam said.

"SHAWN! YOU BETTER NOT BE ON THAT PHONE IF THAT HOMEWORK ISN'T DONE!"

"I gotta go too..."

Hanging up before his dad went upstairs Shawn listened to the noise downstairs. His dad was taking off his belt and credentials and placing them on the table. Shawn let out a sigh of relief. Even if they constantly fought and his father didn't really seem proud of him, Shawn always felt better knowing his dad was home, even if it was to just yell at him, at least he was still alive, and that meant that Shawn wasn't alone. And from what he's learned on TV, all the yelling his father does is because he cares. If he didn't yell then he didn't care. And despite how awful the words got Shawn repeated the mantra that his father yelled at him because he cared deep down inside rather than just hated him and was only tolerating him because his ego wouldn't let him send him away, because real men don't do thing just because their easy. They do the honorable thing. And when men have children they care for them until said child becomes an adult...

"_My dad cares...he doesn't tolerate...he cares...he doesn't tolerate...he cares...he has to...he's all I've got left..."

* * *

_

Please review!

I know that right now is sort of WhumpShawn and not so much LimpSam but it will probably get there the next chapter...anyway, hope you like and...like I asked, Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Something, Anything, Everything.

Shows: Supernatural & Psych

Characters: Sam & Shawn

Rating: T for swearing and bit of violence

Genre: Family/Friendship

Summary: Shawn is ignored by his mother and Sam by his brother. Both are insulted and seen as disappointments by their fathers. When they run away they are depressed to realize that they don't have anywhere to run to, or anything to run from...but at least they aren't alone. They have one another. Another who understands completely. And what could possibly go wrong with a real psychic and a future fake psychic?

* * *

Sam woke up early to pee when he heard mumbling coming from downstairs. It was then that he noticed that Dean wasn't in his bed that morning.

"_That's odd,"_ Sam thought, "_Dean usually takes forever to wake up."_

After taking care of business Sam quietly walked to the edge of the stairs and tried to listen to what was being said. Usually he wouldn't care but _usually_ Dean wakes up late because he stays up late. Plus they were mumbling instead of talking...all suspicious.

"I think we should call Caleb or Bobby to come help dad," that was Dean, most likely talking about the hunt they were here for.

"No Dean. The kid needs to learn to follow orders. That means doing what I say when I say it," John replied.

Sam strained to listen to what was being said, his hopes quickly falling rapidly.

"Come on dad, at least let him stay 'til the movie Saturday. One night...s'all I'm askin," Dean bargained.

"No and that's final. One night is enough for innocent people to die Dean. I'm not putting the innocent before stupidity," John decided.

"Yes sir..." Dean admitted in his defeat.

"Good. Now go wake him up. While I got restock some items you're gonna train him on some last minute things. I want that kid ready and able for Saturday. Am I clear?" John demanded.

"Crystal," Dean replied.

"I'm not going," Sam made himself known.

"Sammy..." Dean said in a low warning tone.

"You don't get a choice," John said.

"I already promised Shawn I'd hang out with him," Sam said evenly.

"Well don't worry about it. Once we're done with this hunt we're gone from California," John said in a voice just daring his son to argue.

"Dad..." Dean looked over to John with a pleading look on his face before he looks at Sam and says, "Once we get to the new place I'll take you to see Men and Black, promise."

"So your promises get to have meaning but whatever I say has to be lies? I promised Dean!" Sam cried.

"Don't overreact Sam. Just call the kid and tell him we're moving. S'not the end of the world," John simply said and turned around to grab his coffee off of the kitchen counter.

"You don't understand dad! Shawn isn't like other people. He's a really good friend, and I can't break this promise," Sam argued.

"No Sam, _you_ don't understand. People are dying! Innocent people who want to live to see the next day! But I suppose we'll just have to put them aside because you want to go waste the money we already struggle to get to watch a stupid movie with a degenerate punk who's a horrible influence!" John yelled.

Sam was stunned into silence, guilt settling into his stomach. He looked down with shame. He knew perfectly well that hunting wasn't really a good paying job. They barely had enough to eat, and most of it was usually carry-out and not the healthiest.

With his head already lowered Sam walked back upstairs and laid back into the bed. Dean walked in and sat on his own bed but didn't say anything. There were noises from downstairs until the door finally opened and then closed. Still neither of them moved until the sound the Impala wasn't audible anymore.

"Sammy..." Dean started.

"Its not about the movie Dean," Sam said quietly.

"I know. But dad's right...people are dying and we gotta stop this evil son of a bitch," Dean said.

"I promised Shawn I'd go Dean," Sam said.

"I'm sure he'll understand if you can't go Sammy," said Dean.

"Dean...He's not like the other kids who live the normal life I'd like us to have. He's...sort of like us," Sam said.

"Tsk, Sorry Sammy but I have to doubt that," Dean replied.

"I mean it Dean. His father doesn't raise him, he trains him. Its always his dad's way or no way. Except he doesn't have a brother to be compared to. He doesn't have any friends because he was his own free will and is willing to do what he thinks is right...dad could have just kept this about me. He had no right taking bad about Shawn," Sam fumed.

"Look Sammy, dad just heard some things about the brat. Its nothing to get all worked up about. And besides what he heard wasn't all too good either," Dean replied.

"It's not Shawn's fault!" Sam yelled.

"Sam enough! Okay I get it alright! Your friend hurts a lot and your like his apple pie after a freaking long night of hunting, but god damn it just get passed this freaking chick flick mode and deal with the facts! Dad needs our help because real people are dying Sam! So stop being so selfish and just get your head in the freaking game!" after Sam didn't respond Dean said in a low, but still angry voice, "Be downstairs in five. You're got training to do." and left the room.

Sam sat there stunned even more so than in the morning.

Selfish?...was he, Samuel Winchester, selfish? Sam thought back throughout his life as his fathers and Dean's words blasted full blast in his mind.

When they were younger Dean always starved himself because of Sam. Sam was the one that was always fed while his father and brother always went hungry for the day or night because they were limited to food. Because Sam kept having growth spurts they needed to keep buying him bigger and bigger clothes because at some point Dean's hand me downs stopped fitting him. John started to buy Sam clothes and giving whatever he didn't need to Dean. While Sam slept peacefully his brother and father were always on high alert, too paranoid to sleep, and watched over him.

He kept nagging about school and normality like a spoiled little bitch on her period who wouldn't shut the hell up. His brother and father were heroes, while he...he was just selfish.

"SAM!" Dean yelled from downstairs.

Sam silently walked downstairs after getting ready. He wasn't really into the whole exercise. Though normally he wouldn't be into it but this time he was just out of it. He had some target practice and some sparring but after that Dean just left him alone while he went to the living room and watched TV.

About an hour later John called and said he'd be there late because something had come up. Dean had offered any assistance but John just ordered Dean to have Sam and their things ready. Not just the hunting tools and weapons, but their stuff as well. After their hunt they'd move to the next hotel room and then move on to the next job.

Dean told Sam what John had said without sugarcoating anything or caring for his feelings. Sam just nodded and took it all in stride. John called again and said that he had planned on picking them up around midnight, because that was the time that had the most cover and good time that the church near the cemetery would be abandoned without worrying about being seen.

Sam listened to what his brother was doing before he decided to leave the house and go visit Shawn and tell him goodbye. It was the least he could do...

* * *

Shawn walked into the house after being extremely bored at school. Gus still wasn't talking to him and Sam had been absent.

"No Madeline we can't just ignore the facts when they are so obvious!" Henry roared.

"Its not his fault Henry! You can't blame him for acting out when everyone is against him!" Madeline countered.

"If he would just listen and obey for once maybe we, no I'm sorry, _I_ wouldn't have to make peace offering with the Guster's."

"Don't talk to me like that! I love Shawn and I know the way you're treating him is unfair. He's just a boy Henry. Let him enjoy the time he has to have fun before he's forced into the real world."

"And let him do whatever he wants when he wants! Never!"

"He's just doing what we've been teaching him! To be his own person and not give into what other people say. Other people like you! You're not letting him anything but your ideal soldier. He's not a soldier he my baby boy!"

"If he were _your_ baby boy then you'd see him more often and I wouldn't be raising him on my own! Do you think its easy being a single parent of the misbehaved child? No you don't because you're never here!"

Shawn quietly ran up to his room, fully ignored, and closed himself off. It was hours later that his mother finally left. That horrible silence tasting bittersweet in his mouth. He wished for them to stop fighting, he wished to stop being the reason they fight, but not like this. He wants them to work it all out...not just give up and leave.

There had to be something wrong with him. Otherwise his mother wouldn't just leave when she gets frustrated and actually stay and deal with the problem...but what was the problem? Shawn didn't know but at the moment he didn't feel like moving from his spot on the bed. About an hour and a half later after his mother left the sound of the front door opening and closing met his ears and once again he was alone.

He had no brothers or sisters to keep him company or to comfort him. His best friend wasn't allowed to talk to him, and...his parents had abandoned him.

Ignoring his bodies needs of going to the bathroom, moving his muscles, or even his hunger Shawn didn't move from his spot on the bed. If he didn't move then he wouldn't do anything. If he didn't do anything nothing will mess up. If nothing messes up then his parents won't fight...and if they don't fight then...they can be happy again.

_**'Tap tap tap'**_

Shawn was startled by the noise on his window. Unable to stay still any longer Shawn went to see what was making that noise only to find Sam at his window. Opening it up and letting the other boy in Shawn quickly looked at himself in the mirror while Sam dusted himself off to make sure he was crying or anything of the sort. To his relief there was nothing on his face...no tears, no quivering lips...no emotions.

"Sorry bout this man," Sam said as he turned around to face Shawn.

"S'ok but...weird. I do have a door you know," Shawn said as he went back and sat on his bed.

"I know but its late and I didn't want to get you in trouble by visiting so late," Sam replied.

"S'ok...I don't think my dad's back anyway," Shawn said.

"Oh...then I guess I struggled for nothing..." Sam said dryly before giving a chuckle and Shawn laughed a bit too as the youngest Winchester lightened the mood.

"So why aren't you allowed to go anymore?" Shawn asked.

"...How do you always do that?" Sam asked as he took a seat next to Shawn.

"You sneaked here instead of calling and you look nervous...so what happened?" Shawn asked.

"...We're moving," Sam said.

"When...?" Shawn asked.

Sam looked at his watch and replied, "Two hours or so."

"What!" Shawn demanded.

"My dad got a new job and we're moving out A.S.A.P." Sam said quietly.

"Oh...sucks. Any chance its near by that I can hitch a ride and come hang with you?" Shawn asked.

"Doubt it...my dad doesn't like spending too much time in the same state. He...uh...he's paranoid...you know...Vietnam and all," Sam mumbled.

"So...this is it?" Shawn asked.

"Yeah...If it means anything, you're one of the coolest guys I've ever met. Even if you think my brothers awesome," Sam answered.

Shawn chuckled, "Wow...what a day. Do you have to leave now? I got a new batman comic," Shawn said.

"I guess I can stay a few minutes," Sam replied knowing that if he was late he'd get in trouble, but that it'd be worth it. His dad is already making him leave without caring that Shawn is all alone.

"Alright. I'll be right back I'm going to get us some soda and pineapple," Shawn said.

Sam nodded and watched as Shawn ventured downstairs to get some snacks. Then he heard the front door open and close. He heard some talking but slowly the sound of their voices elevated much and much higher.

"Damn it Shawn I told you to do your chores and homework! All I ask is for you to follow orders but you just can't! Not even the simplest ones! You're a failure!" The drunken slurs of an older man, Sam guessed to be Shawn's father.

"Its Thursday and tomorrow is the last day before a three day weekend dad. There isn't anything due," Shawn tried to keep his angry subsided and his father calm. He didn't want Sam to have to listen to this

"All I ask is for you to be more efficient .Hell all I ask is for yo to care! But you don't! You just care about yourself! You're a selfish little brat!"

"NO I'M NOT! I CARE ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS! I CARE ABOUT MOM AND YOU TOO! I CARE AND GET SCARED BUT YOU NEVER NOTICE!" Shawn yelled.

Before either of them knew what happened Henry grabbed a fistful of Shawn's shirt and drew him close enough for Shawn to smell the alcohol on his breath, and his father had not done any light drinking, and in the next second the only sound in the whole house was the sound of skin to skin contact.

Shawn remembered that Sam was still upstairs and quieted down, and slowly stood up after his father's punch had knocked him against the wall behind him where he hit a picture frame, that was sure to leave a bruise, and fell and shattered when it made contact with the floor. "I always worry because you may not come home and that you'll leave me alone...I worry that you'll die and that mom won't want to take me in...I mean no one else like me. I'm that kid the parents don't want their kids hanging around with! I mean look at Gus! But no! I'm never good enough! Not enough for mom to stay! Not enough for Gus's parents to see how much me and Gus like each other! Not enough for you to say you've ever been proud of me...you've never even told me you loved me..."

Blood dripped from Shawn's head, just like the salty tears from his eyes, and before Henry could recover from either shock of hitting his baby or what his baby had just said, and Shawn blasted off to his room.

When Shawn entered the room Sam was at him in a second and gasped when he saw the blood.

"Shawn!" Sam cried in a panic.

"...You should go Sam," Shawn whispered.

"I should help you first. This looks bad," Sam said in a worried voice.

Shawn began to shake his head but that movement hurt so he put a hand on Sam's shoulder and squinted his eyes to stop his vision from blurring up, "I'll be fine Sam. Your family is waiting for you. You probably snuck out and I don't want you to get in trouble because of me..."

"Shawn..." Sam didn't know what to say.

"Just go! Sam...I'll be fine," Shawn insisted.

Sam looked worried but nodded and slowly made his way towards the window. With a final look at his friend and a even more heavy heart about leaving him Sam climbed down and returned to yet another house he was about to leave.

* * *

Unlike he thought he'd originally do Sam didn't run back home. Mind still boggling. The things Shawn's dad had said...they were horrible. And from what Shawn said...and then the blood! Sam's dad might be hard on him and do things to provoke him, but John had never raised his hand to his boys in an abusive manner. It was all for training but that was it...

"Sam! Where the hell have you been!" Dean demanded as Sam just entered the household, not bothering to sneak back in.

Sam's face still portrayed the worry, fear, and shocked looked he had the moment he laid eyes on Shawn when he returned to his room and that caused Dean a bit of nervousness. Sam didn't say anything and then finally seemed to notice Dean standing there and just like that...Sam eliminated all emotions from his face.

Selfish...that was what he and Shawn apparently were. They didn't care about anyone but themselves and they were a burden. Their fathers had to take care of them because no one else would want to...there was no one else to take Sam in. And Shawn's dad had a reputation to keep up and giving up your son didn't look good, even if he misbehaved...

"Sammy?" Dean asked.

The low rumble of the Impala was heard and both boys looked out the window to see upcoming headlight.

Sam's heart sat in his stomach along with guilt. But he wouldn't complain,or whine, or bitch...he'd just have to suck it up. But something else was bugging him...Shawn.

Would he be alright?

* * *

Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Something, Anything...Everything!

**Author: **Luna Knyte

**Shows:** Supernatural & Psych

**Characters: **Sam & Shawn

**Rating: **T for swearing and bit of violence

**Genre: **Family/Friendship

**Summary: **Shawn is ignored by his mother and Sam by his brother. Both are insulted and seen as disappointments by their fathers. When they run away they are depressed to realize that they don't have anywhere to run to, or anything to run from...but at least they aren't alone. They have one another. Another who understands completely. And what could possibly go wrong with a real psychic and a future fake psychic?

* * *

Dean hadn't told their dad about Sam sneaking out and returning mere minutes before he arrived. In fact he was too busy thinking about his baby brothers behavior. Sam had yet to utter a word since getting into the Impala. Of course Dean knew that their dad thought that Sam was just being moody and stubborn about moving yet again, but Dean knew it was more than that.

When they stopped at a hotel room and John told Sam that he'd be staying behind after all, Dean and John both expected there to be screaming and yelling, but that was the first clue John got that something was wrong.

There was definite hurt in Sam's eyes. Sammy's infamous puppy eyes were on full blast, but there was something else there too. John recognized it from his earlier years, namely from his service years in Corps. It was a mixture of betrayal and something akin to anger, but not at _them_ surprisingly.

As John and Dean prepared to go off into the darkness they carefully watched as Sam prepared himself for bed. All the anger that would normally be in him was completely gone. Now in place of that anger was...nothingness. Sam seemed to be running on autopilot. And that, more than anything, scared them.

When they left Sam was very temped to call Shawn. To ask how he was doing, to see if he had taken care of that wound..._Damn, I should have stayed and made sure he'd taken care of it._ Sam thought as guilt set itself in his stomach.

Sam's thoughts wondered from Shawn to his family. Though once he began to think about them his head hurt and decided to try to get some sleep. Things would be different from now on...he just knew it.

The next day when Sam woke up he got his things ready while his father and brother slept in. Sam was used to waking up early. Since his dad didn't like him wasting time, Sam figured he'd get up early to do some of the things he liked, and then do things his father wanted when he awakened.

Sam had already had most of his stuff packed but then he examined this belongings closer. He had his clothes, some books, a few awards, and some pictures. The books were his favorites: Call of the Wild, Sherlock Holmes, and one or two of The Hardy Boys. The awards were of his academic achievements, all with different last names. From Winchester to Smith to Summers. The pictures were of some of the other kids that Shawn had introduced him to. They weren't really Shawn or his friends, they were just people who found them awesome and funny.

Besides a picture of Shawn and Sam together standing in front of the arcade, the rest, along with his books and awards, will be burned the next time they stop.

* * *

When John awoke a few days later after recovering from the hunt he told his sons that he had forgotten something and that they'd have one more day in Santa Barbara before they headed out. Dean knew that his father was trying to make amends with Sam and was glad for it. Sam's new behavior was really scaring him and he didn't like it when his baby brother was in pain.

Sam for his part felt like it was adding insult to injury because the damage had been done. Shawn was left alone, far more alone than Sam ever was, and _that_ is saying something. Dean offered Sam a ride to anywhere he wanted to go but Sam declined. He asked quietly if he could go for a walk and John agreed.

With the skills he had received from both his father and brother Sam managed to sneak a liquor bottle from an already drunk, and stashed it in his bag. Next he went to the gas station and bought some matches. Even though he didn't know what to expect when he passes Shawn's house he couldn't help but go there anyway.

Whatever Sam had expected, finding the house completely empty wasn't one of the scenarios running through his head. There was no car in the driveway, no bike on the sidewalk, no windows open...nothing. Looking back and forth to make sure no one was watching, Sam approached the house and took a closer look. The kitchen was bare. No dishes on the table, the sink was dry as a bone, there was no radio on, the television from the living room was off, and there was no sign of anyone being there.

Sam frowned. He really wanted to see Shawn again. Even though they hadn't fought with each other Sam felt like he needed to apologize to him. He felt guilty about leaving Shawn there...in his own home. That sounded very off in Sam's head, but he supposed it made some sense. With what happened with Gus, and Shawn's parents divorce...Shawn was alone and highly misunderstood. Sam understood, and therefore felt somewhat protective of Shawn. When Shawn smiles and laughs for real at whatever joke or statement Sam made it made Sam feel accomplished. He assumed it was what Dean felt like sometimes with him. A brothers bond, who have lost everything, and only have each other to watch out for one another. That was what probably explained the guilt Sam was feeling.

Walking back to the hotel room Sam passed by the Guster home and saw Gus playing with one of the kids from school. Shawn was nowhere in sight and even though he was tempted to ask Gus if he'd seen Shawn, he still walked away.

When he got back Dean was out picking up some things for them. John was reading the newspaper and Sam took the opportunity to go out to the back and be by himself. He found an empty trash can and placed all of his books, awards, certificates, and pictures in them. Then he took out the stolen bottle of liquor and doused all of his belongings with it.

Looking down at it Sam felt his chest constrict in pain. Down there in the trash was what he wanted. All of those things meant normality...and it meant that he couldn't have it. In hunting it didn't matter if you were the smartest or if you could read in an incredible level for your age. All that mattered was speed and strength. Sam wanted to be noticed for doing good, in hunting it's best not to be noticed at all. Being normal was what he wanted, but it wasn't good enough for his father or for his brother. It wasn't good enough for the life that his father had set before him.

His entire life was a lie. The only thing he owned was his name, and sometimes...he wasn't even who he was born to be.

* * *

John rose from his seat at the table and walked over to over look the backyard. Considering that they hadn't been gone for more than three days, their old house that they used was still in their possession. As he over looked the backyard and saw his youngest. To say that he wasn't worried was an understatement. Sam was just as stubborn as him, so when he didn't explode the other day, it really brought John to worry.

As he saw Sam throw things into the trash John was a bit baffled, and even more so when he was what he was throwing in there. He saw the title of the books and knew they were Sam's favorite. He saw the awards and certificates. And he saw the pictures. A weird feeling crept from the pit of his stomach to his chest as he realized what Sam was doing. There was some pride in there, but he never would have thought that after so much time demanding Sam to give up on bring normal that this is what he'd feel.

He didn't understand why his heart plummeted when he saw his youngest son drench everything that made him Sam with liquor and then light that match. A part of him wanted to run out there and stop him, but he wasn't able to move. Both him and Sam just watch as everything that made Sam an individual burned down to nothing but ashes that would scatter into the four corners of the earth.

"Dad?"

John turned around and looked at his oldest. That pain from before rose again but this time with guilt. John didn't understand why he was feeling like this so he just shook his head and said, "We're leaving tonight Dean. This time...we'll be going East."

Dean looked at his dad funny but nodded nonetheless. Sam came into the room and looked at them.

"Hey Sammy. How was your day?" Dean asked.

"It's Sam. S'ok...when are we leaving?" Sam asked.

Dean frowned at this and John answered, "Tonight tiger. Everything ready?"

"Yes sir," Sam replied and went up to his room with a much less heavy bag, John noticed.

Once Sam was out of view Dean turned to his father and said, "I'm worried about him dad...he's different."

"I know...but he'll get over it Dean," John replied.

Dean didn't look any less worried but sighed and said, "If you say so dad."

* * *

Two days earlier

It was four in the morning and Henry was still asleep. Shawn walked on the balls of his feet as to not make any noise, just like his dad taught him, and went downstairs. He looked around the corners and over the things he was hiding behind and once the coast was clear he disconnected all of the phones, but made sure it didn't look like anyone tampered with them. Snoring alerted him that his father had fallen asleep on the couch.

Shawn's heart began to race thinking that he'd already been caught or he was going to be. Instead anger rose in him when his eyes landed on the bottle on the coffee table next to the couch his father was lying on. He was drunk again and probably wouldn't be waking up any time soon.

Shawn clenched his fist in anger but he calmed himself down. This could be a blessing in disguise and actually work in his favor. He'd be able to speed up his plans. Once again walking on the balls of his feet, Shawn walked up the stairs and headed towards his fathers room. He gently closed the door behind him. Standing in the center of the room Shawn didn't move a muscle and he listened. He could hear the blood pulsing through him, he could hear his even breathing, and the snoring from downstairs. Outside of the house he could hear the early birds getting into their cars, he could hear the paper boys bike because they had a card clipped to the wheel to make noise, and the neighbors dog being let out to do its business.

Taking a deep breath and just indulging in the silence Shawn walked up to his fathers closet and opened it. Holding still for another minute to make sure everything was still quiet and that his father was still downstairs, Shawn let out a breath of relief. Kneeling down on his knees and looking over his shoulder Shawn then looked back at the closet and found what he had come for. Taking another look over his shoulder Shawn closed his eyes for half a minute trying to find the memory of three years and five months ago when he saw his father open the safe. When the safe opened, Shawn, yet again looked over his shoulder and was pleased that everything was still the way it had been, though he half expected his father to come barging in on him.

Looking in the safe Shawn took another deep breath to steady himself and his resolve. He was going to do this...

Taking the gun and the bullets Shawn closed it and placed it back to zero, and placed it back to its original location. Then he closed the closet and walked out and headed towards his room. His plan is now ready. It had been ready for awhile. Only because of Sam did he delay his plans but now...

A few hours later Shawn walked down the stairs with his backpack on. Inside it were the last of his things before he headed out. He would be leaving this morning, everyone who cared to notice will assume he's off to school, but really it'll be time he'll use to get away from here and everything this place brings with it.

"Shawn..."

Shawn was a little startled to hear his dad from behind him. He turned around and looked at Henry with widen and possibly scared eyes. In his mind Shawn thought that he was caught, but when he saw his father take a step back he realized what must have been going through Henry's mind.

Shawn had avoided his father after the whole indecent and refused to talk about it. He was still sporting the bruise on his face and he was sure he had a scar on the back of his head forming. But he had cleaned it and it hurt less now. Henry must have thought that Shawn was scared of him, which Shawn wasn't going to deny either. Though it wasn't fear of the man hitting him, as more as his father rejecting him. Fear of actually being a disappointment and failure to his father.

"I'm...I'm g-going to school now," Shawn cursed in his mind for stuttering. That was a usual dead give away that he was up to something.

"I'll take you," Henry said pushing his hair back and looking around for his keys.

"That's okay...I'll just walk. It's good for me, and besides...you shouldn't really be driving right now," Shawn whispered and obviously looked towards the living room and looked directly at the bottle.

Henry clenched his fingers on the bridge of his nose and signed while silently cursing himself.

"Okay...uh, be careful. And Shawn?" Henry said.

"Yeah?" Shawn replied looking down at his feet.

"We...we should really talk when you get back," Henry said.

Shawn bit his lip...it was supposed to be easy. But he was in pain, both physical and emotional, but nodded his head and answered, "When I get back...sure."

Shawn walked out of his childhood home and made it across the lawn and to the sidewalk. Unable to resist looking back Shawn saw his dad watching him from window. Henry waved at him and Shawn raised his hand at him, didn't wave it, and whispered, "Goodbye dad."

* * *

You guys ever go on someone's profile and be amazed that someone from the other side of the world had read or is reading your story? Amazing isn't it. It makes people feel like the world isn't as big as we once thought. On that note, and out of curiosity...does anyone live in the South Side of Chicago? or attend Moraine Valley in Palos Hills Illinois? If so...let me know.

Um...otherwise, please ignore any mistakes, I'll look over it later, please review :]


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